Out of the Depths: Dealing with Guilt

Lectionary Reading: Psalm 130

For centuries in the season of Lent, early Christians recited the “7 Penitential Psalms” – each Psalm picked by ancient monks because of the display of guilt, the call for hope, and the expectation of rescue from sins, enemies, and situations. The 7 Penitential Psalms are:

Psalm 6 – A prayer in times of sorrow
Psalm 32 – A prayer to celebrate forgiveness
Psalm 38 – A prayer to recognize God’s anger
Psalm 51 – A prayer of confession
Psalm 102 – A prayer in the presence of enemies
Psalm 130 – A prayer in time of trouble
Psalm 143 – A prayer for rescue

Of these seven, the one that the lectionary picks for this Sunday in Lent is Psalm 130 – This psalm not only resonates with the Psalmist’s deep faith in God, but shows a map to deal with that hobgoblin of spirit and truth – Guilt

What HIV is to the blood, guilt is to the Spirit of God within us. Guilt eats away at us, sometimes invisible on the surface, and other times creating reactions that show through all of our attempts to conceal them, creating havoc and destruction in its wake. It comes into our life through various ways – the well meaning, accidental lessons of parents to children they want to behave, the lines drawn across our life paths from teachers, preachers, mentors and friends, and the internalized “shoulds” we get from myths, media and messages around us.

It’s not very hard to know how we get it. The question is, how do we get rid of it? Lent isn’t just about recognizing and repenting – it’s also about recovering and relationship.

Rabbi Naomi Levy (one of the first female Conservative Rabbi’s in the US) wrote a book of prayers to help people deal with the real life recovery and relational situations titled “Talking to God”. There are prayers for young parents worried about the future, young women looking for love, and blessings for weddings, funerals and coming of age. There are also prayers you won’t find anywhere else – a prayer for a woman who has had an abortion, a prayer for a man going through divorce, a prayer for parents of children with special needs, a prayer for a survivor of personal trauma, and a prayer for a spouse who has had an affair, a prayer for someone dealing with vanity. I have used these prayers and many more countless times in ministry and care and witnessed their power.

Her prayer about guilt resonates with everything that is wrong about guilt. Guilt usually isn’t based on what we have done or what we are responsible for doing. More often than not guilt eats away at us for things we imagine we should have done differently, better, or impossibly. Guilt isn’t based on our sinful realities (that’s consequence). Guilt is based on our imagined deficiencies. Yet even as we read her prayer, we know it’s a cry from deep within our souls.

A Prayer to Subdue Guilt

“I’ve been blaming myself, God, for the tragedy that has befallen me. The thoughts keep running through my mind. I could have done more. I should have done more. But none of my self doubt is helping to erase the past. Teach me, God, to believe I do not deserve to be punished forever. Help me to forgive myself. Help me to love myself as you see me, despite my weakness. Show me your love, today and always. Amen.”

Talking to God, page 154.

Much in the same way as the liberating prayer helps us identify and reckon with the guilt in our life – Psalm 130 shows the three tools we can use to get through it and heal from it.

Call Out

“Out of the depths, I cry to you O Lord” – The psalmist calls out to God from that place where guilt has taken him. The bible is full of people who call out to God from the depths: Jeremiah from the depths of a dungeon, Daniel from the depths of a lion’s den, Paul from the depths of prison, and Christ from the depths of agony on the cross. It is the first step to release and repentance. Calling out to God about the things we hold deep within us.

We all carry the secret self in our hearts. Counselors typically call it the “If persona” as in: “Oh sure, they like me – but IF they only knew what I was really like – they’d turn away” or “My boss keeps promoting me, but IF he only knew how little I know, he’d fire me” or “People say I’m strong, but IF they only knew what I did (or didn’t do) they would see how weak I really am.”

The way to begin to work with God to heal is to admit to God (and sometimes to others – after all, a psalm isn’t a diary – people heard these songs out loud!) that “If person” is in us, and needs to be set free. Call out from your depths, and examine the ideas churning guilt like an underground spring in your soul.

Perspective

“If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, who could stand?” – The psalmist begins to recognize the problem isn’t that God doesn’t forgive him. God keeps no records of our atoned wrongs. Like a loving parent who remembers our childhood from a collection of refrigerator pictures and mother’s day gifts, instead of every misspoken word or disobedient rally we had as teens, God remembers us not by the list of sins we’ve committed but the love and reconciliation we have made together.

This perspective helps us let go of useless guilt – the “I should have known”, “I could have done things differently”, “I would have given…” phrases that keep us up at night. When we surrender to God’s forgiveness, we can be free to forgive ourselves too. Because, if God forgives us – who are we to hold on?

Expectation

“My soul waits for the Lord and in his word I put my hope” – the psalmist recognizes healing and deliverance take time. He doesn’t just cry out, feel forgiven and go on with his day blessed and happy. Although our guilt has been relieved immediately by God’s love repairing the damage already done will take more than a minute. Yet, even as he waits not just “feel better” but to “be better” the psalmist knows it is going to happen. Want to know the best tool in your box for releasing needless guilt? Hope.

When we cry out and understand that our God is the God of hope not the impossible “should haves”, we may have to review and release a few times before our minds, bodies, souls and circumstances are actually willing to let go. Yet even then – when regrets threaten to mount – we have the hope that knows God’s love, God’s future, God’s power will get us through this and we will be free.

Never give up calling out. Never give up tools, and perspectives. Never, never, never give up on God.

A Prayer When We Are Too Hard On Ourselves

“Teach me how to love, God. I am so critical of myself. I set such high standards for myself. I accept shortcomings in others, but I am so unforgiving of myself. Help me, God. Teach me how to enjoy my life. Remind me to be kind to myself. Show me how to embrace the person that I am. Soften my heart, God; open my eyes. Fill me with the capacity to treasure my life. Thank you, God, for creating me. Amen.”

Talking to God, p 235.

Amen, and Amen.