Out of the Depths: Dealing with Guilt

Lectionary Reading: Psalm 130

For centuries in the season of Lent, early Christians recited the “7 Penitential Psalms” – each Psalm picked by ancient monks because of the display of guilt, the call for hope, and the expectation of rescue from sins, enemies, and situations. The 7 Penitential Psalms are:

Psalm 6 – A prayer in times of sorrow
Psalm 32 – A prayer to celebrate forgiveness
Psalm 38 – A prayer to recognize God’s anger
Psalm 51 – A prayer of confession
Psalm 102 – A prayer in the presence of enemies
Psalm 130 – A prayer in time of trouble
Psalm 143 – A prayer for rescue

Of these seven, the one that the lectionary picks for this Sunday in Lent is Psalm 130 – This psalm not only resonates with the Psalmist’s deep faith in God, but shows a map to deal with that hobgoblin of spirit and truth – Guilt

What HIV is to the blood, guilt is to the Spirit of God within us. Guilt eats away at us, sometimes invisible on the surface, and other times creating reactions that show through all of our attempts to conceal them, creating havoc and destruction in its wake. It comes into our life through various ways – the well meaning, accidental lessons of parents to children they want to behave, the lines drawn across our life paths from teachers, preachers, mentors and friends, and the internalized “shoulds” we get from myths, media and messages around us.

It’s not very hard to know how we get it. The question is, how do we get rid of it? Lent isn’t just about recognizing and repenting – it’s also about recovering and relationship.

Rabbi Naomi Levy (one of the first female Conservative Rabbi’s in the US) wrote a book of prayers to help people deal with the real life recovery and relational situations titled “Talking to God”. There are prayers for young parents worried about the future, young women looking for love, and blessings for weddings, funerals and coming of age. There are also prayers you won’t find anywhere else – a prayer for a woman who has had an abortion, a prayer for a man going through divorce, a prayer for parents of children with special needs, a prayer for a survivor of personal trauma, and a prayer for a spouse who has had an affair, a prayer for someone dealing with vanity. I have used these prayers and many more countless times in ministry and care and witnessed their power.

Her prayer about guilt resonates with everything that is wrong about guilt. Guilt usually isn’t based on what we have done or what we are responsible for doing. More often than not guilt eats away at us for things we imagine we should have done differently, better, or impossibly. Guilt isn’t based on our sinful realities (that’s consequence). Guilt is based on our imagined deficiencies. Yet even as we read her prayer, we know it’s a cry from deep within our souls.

A Prayer to Subdue Guilt

“I’ve been blaming myself, God, for the tragedy that has befallen me. The thoughts keep running through my mind. I could have done more. I should have done more. But none of my self doubt is helping to erase the past. Teach me, God, to believe I do not deserve to be punished forever. Help me to forgive myself. Help me to love myself as you see me, despite my weakness. Show me your love, today and always. Amen.”

Talking to God, page 154.

Much in the same way as the liberating prayer helps us identify and reckon with the guilt in our life – Psalm 130 shows the three tools we can use to get through it and heal from it.

Call Out

“Out of the depths, I cry to you O Lord” – The psalmist calls out to God from that place where guilt has taken him. The bible is full of people who call out to God from the depths: Jeremiah from the depths of a dungeon, Daniel from the depths of a lion’s den, Paul from the depths of prison, and Christ from the depths of agony on the cross. It is the first step to release and repentance. Calling out to God about the things we hold deep within us.

We all carry the secret self in our hearts. Counselors typically call it the “If persona” as in: “Oh sure, they like me – but IF they only knew what I was really like – they’d turn away” or “My boss keeps promoting me, but IF he only knew how little I know, he’d fire me” or “People say I’m strong, but IF they only knew what I did (or didn’t do) they would see how weak I really am.”

The way to begin to work with God to heal is to admit to God (and sometimes to others – after all, a psalm isn’t a diary – people heard these songs out loud!) that “If person” is in us, and needs to be set free. Call out from your depths, and examine the ideas churning guilt like an underground spring in your soul.

Perspective

“If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, who could stand?” – The psalmist begins to recognize the problem isn’t that God doesn’t forgive him. God keeps no records of our atoned wrongs. Like a loving parent who remembers our childhood from a collection of refrigerator pictures and mother’s day gifts, instead of every misspoken word or disobedient rally we had as teens, God remembers us not by the list of sins we’ve committed but the love and reconciliation we have made together.

This perspective helps us let go of useless guilt – the “I should have known”, “I could have done things differently”, “I would have given…” phrases that keep us up at night. When we surrender to God’s forgiveness, we can be free to forgive ourselves too. Because, if God forgives us – who are we to hold on?

Expectation

“My soul waits for the Lord and in his word I put my hope” – the psalmist recognizes healing and deliverance take time. He doesn’t just cry out, feel forgiven and go on with his day blessed and happy. Although our guilt has been relieved immediately by God’s love repairing the damage already done will take more than a minute. Yet, even as he waits not just “feel better” but to “be better” the psalmist knows it is going to happen. Want to know the best tool in your box for releasing needless guilt? Hope.

When we cry out and understand that our God is the God of hope not the impossible “should haves”, we may have to review and release a few times before our minds, bodies, souls and circumstances are actually willing to let go. Yet even then – when regrets threaten to mount – we have the hope that knows God’s love, God’s future, God’s power will get us through this and we will be free.

Never give up calling out. Never give up tools, and perspectives. Never, never, never give up on God.

A Prayer When We Are Too Hard On Ourselves

“Teach me how to love, God. I am so critical of myself. I set such high standards for myself. I accept shortcomings in others, but I am so unforgiving of myself. Help me, God. Teach me how to enjoy my life. Remind me to be kind to myself. Show me how to embrace the person that I am. Soften my heart, God; open my eyes. Fill me with the capacity to treasure my life. Thank you, God, for creating me. Amen.”

Talking to God, p 235.

Amen, and Amen.

God's Not Angry - We Are

Reading: Psalm 13

In 1741 Calvinist minister Jonathan Edwards gave one of the most famous sermons in history. It is so renown the sermon is used in English and Religion classes as an example of the writings of the time. The title of the sermon is “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God”. The image of this sermon is of God holding all people in God’s hands over the pit of hell – and in anger allowing some of them to fall to their eternal torment. To say it is a fiery sermon is an understatement. To say it accurately reflects God would, in my opinion, be a misstatement. Yet, we all sometimes get caught up in the “Angry God” theology. Some pastors preach the most important thing is to recognize ourselves as sinful beings who are separated from God and anger God. Others refer to the Old Testament as “the side of the Bible with the angry God”.

While it is important to recognize the sin in our lives, it is more important to understand first that we are beloved by God. We are God’s created, desired children (not just a bunch of bad seeds who disappoint God every day). Jesus didn’t come just because we have sinned. He came because we are loved. The God of the Old Testament is only angry if you just read the first half of each story. Every time God exiles Israel because of their worship of false gods, God brings them back to the Promised Land. Every time God punishes, God also heals. God tosses Adam and Eve out of Eden, and then gives them children. Their son kills the other son. God gives them another son. The God of the Old Testament isn’t always angry – that God is patient and more forgiving than we will ever know. So where does all this anger come from? I think it comes from us.

We are an angry species sometimes. We are not just angry when our country is attacked or injustice causes harm, but when we are driving (road rage, anyone?), when we feel cheated, lost, grief stricken or embarrassed. We hold anger. We remember it. We use it. We sell it. We buy it. We vote with it. We sleep with it. The 13th Psalm is full of it.

1How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

The psalm of lament says everything we say to God in our anger – Where are you, God? How long are you going to ignore my needs/wants/hurts? Don’t you care? Are you there?
There are three things to know about our anger with God.

Don’t be afraid to be angry

Many people are raised in religions that stress you should never be angry with God, question God or express doubt. The tragedy to that is it robs people of their right to ask important questions and to have an honest relationship. What happens is people start to carry anger at God inside them, and because they never express it honestly it eats them up from the inside out.

Imagine if you could never ask your parents, “why”? Think of all the things you would not learn. Would it be good if a parent told you not to touch a hot stove, but never told you why? Would you enjoy getting a C on your report card without knowing how the grade was assigned? Would it be okay if you came home from high school and were told you were being grounded for three weeks and to go to your room – without ever learning why? Questions and doubt are important to our growth and development as God’s children. When we fail to ask, we rob God of a chance to answer.

Our walk with God is a relationship, and every relationship endures anger. I used to tell couples planning to get married that they could tell the strength of their relationship not just by how much they laugh with each other, but by how well they forgive each other – because disappointments and anger happen even in the best of love. How we get through it is what matters most. Think of your deepest relationships – with your mom or dad, your brother or your sister, your best friend or your lover – as much as you love those people – haven’t there been times when you could just shake them, scream at them, or pull the car over and say ‘GET OUT’? Still you love them. Being angry with God over disappointments, unfairness, loneliness, heartache or illness is a normal part of a real relationship. Learn how to express your anger and let the healing between you and your loving Creator begin.

Don’t be addicted to being angry

Then there are other folks who want to carry their wounds and hurts around with no real thought to a solution or the relationship being repeatedly damaged. Anger is an energy source. It can empower, motivate and even propel people into action. It is powerful, and it is addictive. However, one of the major sermons God gave when Jesus was nailed to the cross was that reconciliation and forgiveness is the dream of God for us all. In other words: it is okay for us to get angry. It is not okay for us to stay angry.

Sometimes people use anger as a reason to hide from God. They say stuff like “I believe in God, but not organized religion” (because disorganized religion is soooo much better?). My experience with that phrase is the person employing it has been hurt before – by a church, a pastor or a person and is holding that anger against God. By avoiding the places and people of God, they never have to face their anger or resolve their feelings. It hurts them, and it hurts God. Be honest and open with God. Soon, you won’t be so afraid of religion, because you’ll be past that and into a real relationship.

Listen to the Emissary

Every once in a while a person can become so consumed with anger they can no longer adequately express or deal with it. The anger festers in them and they no longer have the ability or words to resolve it. That’s especially hard when your anger is at God. Sometimes even when God is trying to give comfort, you are too mad to hear the words.

"Star Trek: Deep Space Nine" revolves around a space station that encountered a unique problem. It was run by Starfleet – the military establishment, but inhabited by Bajorans – a race of people highly involved in their religion. They listened to the prophets. The two sides would conflict frequently in the battle of might versus spirit. In order for this group to work together the prophets picked an “Emissary” – someone who would speak for them. They picked a Starfleet Captain. That way – both sides could hear the voice of the prophets through the experience of a military person. Both sides would listen.

In one episode, a war is coming to the station. The Starfleet crew begins amassing weapons and preparing for battle, but the prophets say to pray and wait. The two sides fight openly about their differing points of view. Worf is a Klingon, a member of a warrior race, and it is expected he will take the side of the soldiers. However, he takes the other side. Someone hisses at him saying, “Since when did YOU believe in the prophets?” Worf answers wisely, “What I believe in is faith. Without faith there is no victory”. He turns to the Emissary (Captain Sisko) who settles the dispute and averts bloodshed.

Every time I watch that show, I think, “That’s what we need in our conflicts and issues with God. We need an Emissary.” And every time God is quick to remind me that we have one: Jesus the Christ. The voice of God in the form of us. Through Jesus, both sides can listen. When we are angry with God, we can look at the life Jesus led on earth and see how he resolved the situation.

On the cross, Jesus accuses God of forsaking him – Ever notice how much like us he sounds? “My God, why have you forsaken me?” sounds a lot like:
“I’ve been praying about this job for MONTHS, why won’t you answer?”
“You know I am lonely. Why won’t you send someone to love me?”
“Why did you let my father die?”
“Why won’t you take this pain from me?”
“Why do I have cancer?”
“Why why why why why why why????”

So what does our Emissary do with his angry question? He asks it! Then look at what is next – he says “into your hands, I commend my Spirit.” He asks. He yells. And then he trusts God. As Worf would say, “Without faith there is no victory”.

When you are angry with God, find the Emissary – Jesus - and learn from his life, death and resurrection. Tell God, listen to God, and then trust God to heal, guide and comfort you. Psalm 13 starts out as an angry accusation about the absence of God. But look how it ends.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

Amen.