I attended a workshop on treating teenagers with HIV and AIDS this last week and heard a sad and stunning story from a pediatric AIDS nurse from New York. She told us the story of “Ben” – a 14 year old who died from AIDS.
His CD4 count cascaded dramatically downward and medical intervention seemed helpless to stop it. After his death, his grandmother who had raised him searched his room. She found two very telling objects: a diary of sorts, and pills. She found pills under his mattress, stuffed in his dresser drawers, hidden in books, and behind bookshelves. She found pills everywhere. Why had he died so young? The answer became clear. He hadn’t taken any of his medicine. But why? The diary held that answer.
“They keep telling me to take my medicine. They say I will die if I don’t take my medicine, but I don’t think I’m really going to die. The only time I even feel sick is when I take the medicine.”
The nurse then spoke of the challenges faced getting teenagers with HIV to take their medicines and follow a very complicated medical regimen. It’s very hard when your disease as no symptoms (until its too late to stop it) to convince teenagers they need the pills to keep from getting sick – particularly when the pills have side effects that make them feel sick.
Ben died, in part, because he didn’t believe:
* - He didn’t believe he was sick. His disease had no symptom of its own.
* - He didn’t believe he would die. He was still in the “immortal age” teenagers go through that tells them they will live forever.
* - He didn’t believe the medicine was helping. The medicine made him feel worse, not better.
* - He didn’t believe there was anyone he could talk to who would understand. So he stopped taking the pills in private.
In John 6:28-29 the disciples ask Jesus for work and he tells them, “believe in the One he has sent.”
For the disciples – it wasn’t too hard at that moment to believe in Jesus. He was standing there with them. He had just feed 5,000 out of a loaf and fish kid’s meal. He had just walked on water in front of them. They were already amazed, and in awe. They already believed.
But soon belief in Jesus would require work for the disciples.
* - They believed he was invincible – and he would get tricked like a common thug and arrested.
* - They believed he was immortal - the messiah – and he died right before their eyes.
* - They believed he was going to change the world – and soon they were hiding from both Romans and Pharisees.
Their easy beliefs became hard for at time – but they held together and kept working at the belief in the One whom God had sent.
To believe is not to have an idea. We sit and talk about what we believe all the time. And while we are having enlightened conversations – the poor starve, the oppressed are beaten, the widows mourn, and the children suffer. We can talk ourselves blue about what we think about God, faith and the bible – but if that’s all we do – we don’t really believe.
To believe is not to close the doors to change. Too often once we decide what we believe – we don’t want to hear anything to the contrary or even consider it for a minute. We shut off literature and lessons from other cultures. We scoff at the faith stories of people not like us. We know what we believe and don’t want to be influenced. But just as people grow and change from the moment of conception to the day they die – our beliefs must also grow and change.
To believe is to live. Believe is not an adjective – it’s an action verb. To believe means you step out on a truth and know it will hold you up. To believe is to get new ideas and test them with your life and discover their change and merit. To believe is to love with the love of Christ – not in our talk, but in our actions.
Recently the state of North Carolina commissioned a “Christian” license plate. It has a stained glass window and a cross. At the bottom of the plate it says I BELIEVE. Some say that’s a violation of church and state – other are worried about the hypocrisy that drives people from faith when they see an “I believe” car cutting them off on the highway or speeding through an intersection. When I was asked my comment was, “I think our world would be better off if we had less Christian stuff, and more Christian people.”
Believing in the One who was sent – means living like the fact Jesus is alive makes a difference – and makes you different. Believing means working to see God even in the dark times when God isn’t so evident. Believing means going out of your comfort zone and into God’s world. Believing means you accept the fact that death occurs and after life exists.
Believing is the hardest work, for the best reward, you will ever do.
So when you are concerned, confused, or resentful – don’t let your disbelief make you isolate yourself and make decisions that affect your relationship with God and your life on earth. Talk to others, seek God’s wisdom, and believe in the One he has sent.
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