The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Ginny Owens, "If You Want Me To"
Years ago, the church I attended had a "spirituality class" they were promoting as part of an adult Christian education event. It was the usual fare -- Potluck dinner, games for the kids, and class for adults. What was supposed to make this so special was the spirituality expert the church had contracted to lead the event. Instead of relying on in-house/in-region talent - the church had been given a donation to bring in a certified spiritual guru who taught classes in spiritual formation, ecumenical understanding, and meditative practices at a well known seminary. Wow.
We gathered for class full of anticipation and excitement. Around the room he had a gong, some chimes, colorful prayer flags, and an incense burner. He talked in one of those lisping gentle voices and kept his eyes half-closed when he spoke of the Spirit - which made it look as if he could see Heaven itself or he was strung out on opium. He clanged the gong at certain intervals, lit the incense, and chimed the chimes. He talked of history and mysteries. He lifted his hands to the heavens and drew a circle to bring us in. It was, without doubt, the worst education experience I ever had. What happened?
- The gong gave me a headache
- The colorful flags distracted me (and one was hanging crooked, which really challenged my concentration)
- The chimes were atonal, and annoying
- The incense stirred up my asthma and its putrid smell hung in that room for days
Later that night someone asked me, "Well, what did you learn?"
"What I learned," I replied still rubbing my aching head. "Was that you can't 'make' something spiritual. It either is or it isn't."
A few weeks later an elder of the church named Myra needed a ride to the doctor's office and invited me to lunch afterward. I didn't know her very well, and am generally awkward around people who are new to me. However, she put me at ease. She talked about her husband and how she had only known him 2 weeks before she married him, because he was going overseas to fight in WWII. He didn't write many letters, but did send her post cards from places far away. She told me the night almost 2 years later when he returned home from the war was as nerve-wracking and exciting as their wedding night. She talked of getting to know him while already having been married to him, of raising kids, and the challenges of living on very little then living on more. She told me how she missed him since he passed away, and how she knew the night she arrived in Heaven and saw him again would be as nerve-wracking and exciting as those nights before. It was, without a doubt, one of the most spiritually enlivened lunches I ever had.
Reflecting, I realize now that the main difference between those two events was me. The Holy Spirit was in both rooms but I was annoyed and uncomfortable with the guru. I chose to block out a lot of what he said. I was open and interested in Myra and chose to take what she said in. He drew a circle that I did not want to enter. She drew a circle that I willingly stepped toward. Spirituality - particularly allowing spiritual moments - is a choice we make.
Sometimes we tend to think of spirituality as something that "happens to us" or "happens around us". However, our conscious choices determine whether the door is open or closed. We choose whether or not to be open and receptive to the call of God, or the inspiration of the Spirit. We choose whether or not to make space in our lives for such encounters. We choose whether or not we will do what God tells us. One of the great gifts of spirituality is the understanding that God doesn't push or puppet us. God gives us the choice.
- When pain and loss happens - we can walk away angry, or we can run to God for comfort.
- When joy and new life happens - we can congratulate ourselves, or we can share the blessing with God.
- When we have a test - we can study but not pray, pray but not study, or put both together.
- When we need some direction - we can search and reach, or stop and wait, or wander.
God has ideas about what God would prefer we do - but the choice is still up to us. So, if you find your spiritual well seeming low or your heart of faith less than inspired - look at some of the choices you are making and see if you can discern which ones can open the doors a little wider.
How do we know what choices help us along a spiritual journey? In his closing comments to the Philippians the Apostle Paul gives us a good list.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8-9
When Myra and I finished our lunch that day I told her that was one of the most spirit-filled, fun lunches I had experienced. She laughed politely and said, "Oh, I'm not sure I'm a very spiritual person."
"How can you say that?" I asked, surprised.
"Well, you remember that spirituality fellow we had at church a few weeks ago?" she asked, lowering her voice as if she intended to tell me a huge secret.
"Yes, I remember," I responded, my head feeling a phantom pain.
"I must not be very spiritual," she continued. "Because I sure didn't get a thing out of that!"
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