Spirituality is...Personally Responsible

"There's a blue moon shinin'
When I am reminded of all we've been through
Such a blue moon... shinin'
Does it ever shine down on you?"
       "Once in a Very Blue Moon" by Nanci Griffith

 About a year ago I got a speeding ticket on our little backwoods road. I live in a small county out in the country and the police are very friendly. I had an interesting conversation:

Officer:  Ma'am I clocked you at 49 and the speed limit here is 35.
Me:  I am so sorry. I wasn't paying attention, and I was speeding.
Officer:  I won't write down that you said that. You don't have to admit that.
Me: But, I WAS speeding. 
[after the ticket was written]
Officer: Ma'am - sign this line. BUT, you should know signing this line does not mean you are guilty or admitting anything. You are just signing that you received this ticket.
Me: Is there a line to sign that says I am guilty?
Officer: (confused) Um...no. Just sign here.  Now, if you want to challenge this in court and get it dismissed you can call this number and schedule a date. Now, I know people think if you go to court and the officer doesn't show it will get dismissed but this is a small county circuit court and we all go. Still, you can try it if you want or if you want to challenge this in any way. You might be able to get it dismissed.
Me: I don't want to challenge it. How do I just pay the fine?
Officer: And, if you take this driver's training course, you can get this taken care of and it won't be held against you. It will be like this didn't happen. There's a fee for that - but it will erase the incident.
Me:  I don't want court and I don't want a class. I just want to admit I did this and pay the fine. Is there a way to just pay for my mistake?
Officer: (disappointed)...Yes, um...you can do that online.

I'm sure he drove away thinking I was an idiot, and I left amazed by all the ways we have developed to get out of our responsibilities. I didn't have to admit it, I could challenge it and maybe get by with it, or I could just wipe it away. Too often the finer choices - pay for it, learn from it, and own it are at the bottom of our list.

We don't just do this with traffic tickets and library fines. We do it a lot.  The world is full of reasons and people to blame.

• Well, if I had known someone was going to check that report, I would have turned it in on time. Why didn't anyone tell me the boss was going to read them?
• How was I supposed to keep track of the dentist appointment I made? They should have called me to remind me. They shouldn't charge me for the missed time; it was their fault.
• The teacher isn't very good. She's failing my kid. She doesn't remind him to take his homework home, and puts much more weight on the homework he doesn't do than paying attention to the two assignments he did turn in. I want him out of her class and with someone who will make sure he passes.
• My church believes this....or...My pastor says that......

That last one is particularly concerning to me.  I'm very likely to challenge someone who tells me what their church believes and say, "Is it what your church believes or is it what YOU believe?"  I am perfectly happy to let people believe as they choose -- but I do want them to be able to own their beliefs.

Spirituality is a developed relationship with God secure enough for us to take responsibility for our thoughts, words and deeds understanding our relationship with God will continue with grace and second chances. The ability to be honest with yourself and with God empowers you to own your achievements and your mistakes; to learn from them and to change through them. Spirituality is the lens that shows you the refining fire isn't just to punish you - but to purify and strengthen you.

In the book of First Samuel is one of my favorite "out of the way" Bible stories. It's the story of an angry old man named Shimei.

 ⁵ As King David approached Bahurim, a man from the same clan as Saul’s family came out from there. His name was Shimei son of Gera, and he cursed as he came out. ⁶ He pelted David and all the king’s officials with stones, though all the troops and the special guard were on David’s right and left. ⁷ As he cursed, Shimei said, “Get out, get out, you murderer, you scoundrel! ⁸ The LORD has repaid you for all the blood you shed in the household of Saul, in whose place you have reigned. The LORD has given the kingdom into the hands of your son Absalom. You have come to ruin because you are a murderer!”
 ⁹ Then Abishai son of Zeruiah said to the king, “Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Let me go over and cut off his head.”
 ¹⁰ But the king said, “What does this have to do with you, you sons of Zeruiah? If he is cursing because the LORD said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who can ask, ‘Why do you do this?’”
 ¹¹ David then said to Abishai and all his officials, “My son, my own flesh and blood, is trying to kill me. How much more, then, this Benjamite! Leave him alone; let him curse, for the LORD has told him to. ¹² It may be that the LORD will look upon my misery and restore to me his covenant blessing instead of his curse today.”
 ¹³ So David and his men continued along the road while Shimei was going along the hillside opposite him, cursing as he went and throwing stones at him and showering him with dirt. ¹⁴ The king and all the people with him arrived at their destination exhausted. And there he refreshed himself.
I Samuel 16:5 - 16:14

The story of Shimei is not often preached about – perhaps a story saying it's okay to curse leaders and throw dirt at them isn’t what most preachers want to encourage from the pulpit.

David, get off my lawn.

The story shows David is ready to take personal responsibility.  David knew Shimei had legitimate complaints. David was a bloody king, he did take Saul’s throne, and he had murdered unjustly. David’s own son was trying to kill him. David knew the only way to relate to God and the people of Israel about this disaster was to be honest. He’s tired of hiding. He’s done with excuses and spin doctors. “I sinned and the result was this bloody war that has split my family and this nation,” David is ready to say. Along comes Shimei who is willing to say it for him. Shimei tells David’s truth in his spew of curses and David is ready to hear it.  He even ponders if maybe God had instructed Shimei to set this into motion.

Notice David doesn't want to forget the past and stop and argue with Shimei about who was at fault. He just wants to own what happened, acknowledge Shimei's right to be upset, and keep moving forward.  My favorite part is verse 14 where it says “When they arrived at their destination – they were exhausted”. I bet! How much cursing and dirt would it take to turn your trip upside down?

Our lives are probably not the action-packed adventure that David's was, but we all have things we need to take responsibility for doing. When we are ready to take ownership of our rights, and our wrongs, we are making the spirit's journey to truth and peace with God (and it is sometimes exhausting!). But forgiveness and future are what await us as we move along.

Spirituality is not a journey of forgive, forget and pretend it never happened. It's a journey of forgive, learn, and go forward.